The Morning Letter

Every morning I go outside with my coffee and my cats and we sit at my back patio table where I write a letter to God. It's my time to give thanks and ask questions and make requests and confess fears and put it all out on the table. I write without editing, without choosing the right words, without even dotting the "i"s. I just pour stuff onto the page. My handwriting can be so atrocious that I should have become a doctor.


Each letter starts out the same way. "Dear God, Thank you..." Usually I have loads of specific things for which I give thanks. Some days, though, I can only start by writing "Thank you, thank you, thank you." and leaving it at that. On those days it's either that I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and the blessings are too numerous to count, or because I can't think of a single thing for which to be grateful. On those days, when life - even early morning life - seems dour and pointless and bleak, I dutifully write my thank you's and follow them with my questions and pleas and worries and fears demands and as I write, I begin to notice things. As I look up to contemplate my next gripe, I laugh out loud with delight at seeing a cloud in the shape of a hamburger, or a collection of weedy flowers forming the most perfect and beautiful bouquet. When I take a sip of coffee I'm delighted to find it still warm and awesome and deliciously bitter. I hear Tippy meow his kitten-sounding meow and Gray meow his robotic, creaky meow - both of which I just flat out love.

As I pour out discouragement and sadness and grief, my eyes and ears clear and my heart opens enough to notice and enjoy the blessings. They were there all along. They're there whenever I really look for them. Sometimes it's hard to do. Sometimes it feels too good to be cynical and angry. But if I'm really honest with myself, no matter that heavy, tricky, icky things are scattered through my life and I have no power to change some of those things, there are still beautiful blessings weaving their way though it all and coloring my universe if I only bother to acknowledge them. Today I give thanks for being able to wake up and count my blessings. I give thanks for being able to give thanks.

7 Things You Should Know About Bad Days: A Field Guide

Looks like I got caught not sticking with the program. I was going to share more and more about living a healthy life and protecting ourselves from the ubiquitous "bad days" and then I just disappeared on you! So sorry, so sorry. I've been doing field research. You know...doing life, running into bad days and mowing them down, slogging through minefields of bad days and coming out alive and well. I did this for you, so you won't have to wander through a bad day without a map. That's how much I care! In fact, I just wallowed in three days of ick so that I could share it with you here and tell you what I learned.

Here's a basic primer on bad days:

1.) Bad days happen. They can happen when we're tired or sick or overwhelmed. They can happen when the toilet overflows on the same day we're throwing a dinner party. They can happen when we're faced with our limitations, whether they be financial, physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual...whatever. They happen when bad people do bad things and no one can make the bad people stop. They happen when we forget who we are, and they most definitely happen when we forget to keep loving ourselves.

2.) Bad days don't always start out bad and there isn't always a triggering event, though usually we can find at least one event on which to blame our bad day. It's not just that it was a bad hair day. It's that it was a "bad hair, speeding ticket, sneezed in the boss's coffee, forgot my phone and was expecting an important call" day. One of those things will have pushed the whole day over the edge. Or it may be that argument you had with your teenager during lunch that sticks with you the rest of the day and throws you off your game. Regardless of how many hours of "bad day" you endure, it still sucks.

3.) Bad days are emotional in nature. And by "emotional", I'm referring to emotions that tend to reside on the energy-zapping side of the spectrum. Fear, rage, sadness, hopelessness, apathy and depression are all invited to the party. They like to invite self-doubt, anxiety and confusion along as well. All in all, this is not a party you want to stay at for long, if at all. The thing is, when we're rubbing elbows with these guys, we forget about things like inspiration and confidence. We scoff at doddy old hope and her frumpy brother, gratefulness. We're too tired and mad or sad for that stuff. C'mon...! I just want to cocoon here in my dark, safe house.

4.) Bad days generally demand that we fill the emptiness with something. Mindlessly binging on food (especially all the junk you generally try to avoid in the name of health), TV, retail therapy, media, games, sleep, drinking (or whatever your habit may be) seems to be just the ticket to soothe a troubled soul. Yeah, no. It doesn't really help, and some things will make for big-time regret later. Know your poison and "think through the drink".

5.) Bad days are not the same thing as "going through a rough time". Bad things happen in our lives. Horrible, bad things that knock us flat and steal our breath and change our lives forever in some way. Those times are not the "bad days" to which I refer here, though we can certainly suffer those bad days during rough times. But we can also go through difficult times without falling into that place that keeps us from moving forward with hope. Bad days saturate us with apathy, bitterness and self-loathing, making the thought of a brighter time look like a pointless joke. We can't afford bad days when we're going through a rough time and I think that most of us instinctively know that. A bad day during a rough time can turn into Hotel California.

6.) Sometimes, giving in to a bad day is the best way to get through it. Think of it as having a type of 24-hour flu. Say "Okay, my cat peed in my purse, my hair looks like it was painted on with a rake, I am running on 3 hours of sleep, I got a speeding ticket, my computer just died, I forgot to wear deodorant... Today sucks and now I have to take care of myself as though I were a tiny, fragile infant." Then go about the rest of the day knowing you are feeling off-balance. Delegate whatever you can, postpone anything that isn't urgent, tell someone loving that you're having a bad day, let yourself get through it. If you have a bad day box, now's the time to open it up.

So how can we circumvent a bad day? As soon as we start feeling joy or happiness or inner peace, our bad day loses its grip on us. It's like letting sunlight into a den of Vampires. POOF! Ha! Not so bitey now, are you Count Bogey! So why not seek out ways to feel happy when we feel our bad day begin? Sometimes we just don't have the right map. When we feel defeated, all roads lead to despair.

What can we do about it? It may seem counter-intuitive when we're basking in the doldrums (because let's admit it, it sometimes feels right to feel bad), but there are three simple things that help almost immediately:

• Start counting your blessings
• Get moving (exercise, cleaning house, gardening, etc.)
• Help someone else

Bad days cannot bear to be filled with gratitude, health or empowerment and they will burst like a flimsy bubble! But in the event that you can't even muster these things, or new bad day elements seem to crop up, one after the other, know this truth:

7.) Bad days end when you put your pajamas on. That's just a fact. 

So if you're having a bad day, you know what to do. You know how to survive it. You know how to "enjoy" it. You even know how to end it! I hope your days are sunny and strong and filled with too many good things to ever need this guide. But go buy yourself a nice pair of pajamas, just to have on hand. 

10 COMPONENTS FOR A HEALTHY DAY

Wowza. Holy Smokes. So sorry to leave you hanging like that! I've been thinking about you and trying to get back here with something important to say, but a few big rocks were thrown into my life and I had to figure out how to handle them (I'm still figuring them out). I've made allusions to them before now, and I suspected they were coming, but still... Anyhow, I will tell you this. If I hadn't started a Healthy Day routine, I believe I'd be climbing out of a pit of depression right now. And though a few days could have been classified as "bad" - or maybe just "not so great", I never had to resort to opening my Bad Day Box. It was kind of nice knowing it was there, but each time I checked in with myself I found that I was doing okay. Pretty good, huh? All that self-care is really paying off.

Today, instead of a photo of the contents of the Bad Day Box, I will share a little checklist of things I try to incorporate into every day. I've turned this into a Word Document with space for filling in specifics wherever I see fit - particularly the stressful things that need tending. I think we can all agree that it's satisfying to check accomplishments off a to-do list. Very empowering. Here's the list:

10 COMPONENTS FOR A HEALTHY DAY

1. Eat healthy food and do so while in a healthy frame of mind (Good energy out; good energy in)
2. Drink lots of water
3. Exercise (I try to plan my workout the night before so it's not left to chance)
4. Get fresh air and sunshine
5. Take care of things that cause stress (make those phone calls, clean out that closet)
6. Be grateful and excited (this is huge!)
7. Feed your spirit and mind (read, journal, pray, meditate, practice affirmations)
8. Practice self-care and self-celebration (take health and beauty measures and let your best self shine)
9. Find time to socialize (connect with others; not just on Facebook)
10. Live the life you have imagined by being the person you want to be!

Today my planned workout consists of walking 4 miles before raking and weeding my front yard, although we'll see how far I get with the raking since I'm currently suffering from costochondritis (inflamed cartilage of the rib cage) on my right side. It's like having tendonitis in your chest, so I'll try to figure out if it would be better to clean up my yard (and so avoid the guilt and shame I feel whenever I look outside) or give my ribs another couple of weeks to heal. Maybe there's even a blessing on the way in the form of an able bodied person who loves to rake and can't wait to help me out!

Off to live my healthy, happy, powerful day. Wishing you the same. 

XOXO

Immunity to Bad Days? Really?

Big changes are afoot in my life. Not very happy ones. Changes that are forcing me to make some difficult and scary decisions. Changes that make me very sad and very mad and then very sad again. Sometimes life is icky and it's hard to stay in a place of faith. I'm having a hard time with that now. I have to choose faith and courage and hope about 25 times a day just to keep moving forward.

All I can say is that I am so glad to have started exploring the virtue of health when all these potential changes and difficulties popped up. I'd already implemented a schedule that practiced healthy habits, so I had a bit of a head start. I hadn't quite gotten around to creating alternate plans for different types of days (see prior post), but I have started to build a Bad Day Box for those days when adulthood is too much to handle and simply crawling out of bed and getting dressed takes Olympian skill and strength.

With all this extra stress that's popped up, I have to tell you that, over all, I'm doing just fine. The evidence is there in the fact that I have only started to build my Bay Day Box and have not yet tested it out. That's because I haven't yet had anything that I want to count as a bad day! I'm staying in my healthy practices and they're keeping me strong enough to not only crawl out of bed and get dressed, but pray, meditate, exercise, make healthy food choices, work on work things, work on other things that need to be done (including the things that deal with these incredibly stressful changes), drink plenty of water, tend to household things, socialize when possible, and get to bed on time!!! That's incredible to me and I am incredibly grateful. 

Just last month, under these heavy circumstances, I probably would have had to crawl out of bed, all the way to the closet in my office, so I could feebly pry the lid off the Bad Day Box to get to the the special, cozy Bad Day pajamas inside. It would have taken ages, with long rests and a few groans, to get out of my regular pajamas and into the special ones. I would have had to apply great swaths of the soothing scented oil I made to my wrists and the backs of my hands so that I could inhale the bright, but relaxing, scent of orange, bergamot and neroli, whenever I liked. 

I would have had to choose either the trashy magazine or one of the juicy novels I bought at Goodwill to read while I ate one of my not-so-healthy Bad Day treats, like my Trader Joe's Graham Crackers. Don't be fooled, these aren't your everyday graham crackers. These things are hearty and thick and coated in a thick layer of cinnamon sugar. You actually have to dunk these in a hot beverage or you'll break your teeth. The cracker part of these particular crackers must also be loaded with cinnamon and other things, like dark brown sugar and magic, because they taste nothing like the inside of a preschool classroom, as the regular, wimpy graham crackers do. 

Anyway, I digress... I haven't had to touch my Bad Day Box (the building of which is still in progress and in need of a Pizza Hut gift card, among other things) because practicing healthy habits builds your immunity to Bad Days. Sure there will still be days that you really don't like and days that are filled with sadness and anxiety. But the Bad Day - with a capital 'B' and a capital 'D' - just can't sneak up on you as easily when you've been paying attention to your health and really taking care of yourself. It's not as easy to be wiped flat when you value and believe in yourself. Healthy self-care is about loving and valuing and putting effort into yourself, without feeling guilty. I believe it also builds immunity to Bad Hair Days, but the jury is still out on that.

Because of how much of an impact practicing health has made on how I'm living my life in only 9 days, I have decided to spend the whole of May working on the virtue of health instead of jumping to a new virtue each week. Plus, I got behind with all the changes that are a-brewing and I have some work to do.  I probably won't be posting daily, but I'll get back here with the good stuff. In my next post I'll share an example of my healthy day and, perhaps, a photo of my Bad Day Box, along with a list of what's inside. I'll show you those Trader Joe's Graham Crackers, too.

Healthy Habit #208: When you feel too busy to pray or meditate, that's when you really need to make some time to do so. Even 5 minutes. The same goes for exercise. Schedule these things into your day however you can. You'll thank yourself for it when you feel stronger, inside and out.

Planning a Health Toolbox

Health, health, health. This is day two of figuring out how to apply the virtue of health to my life in a holistic way.

One thing is already evident. Health takes planning. Today's schedule, though I'm an hour behind, is working well for me. It'll take some fine tuning as I forgot to schedule in little things like travel time and how long it takes my hair to dry. Still, I started off with Lemon Water, prayer, a 3 1/2 mile power walk, squats, lunges, pushups and crunches, and 10 minutes worth of meditation all before I showered or had coffee. That was pure ME time. Excellent start to the day. I want to try it again tomorrow, more or less. I'll have to chart it out.

 Today wasn't an extraordinary day, save for the fact that I formally started my self-care plan. But there are so many different types of days that I anticipate coming up, and I have to have plans for those days, too. Those are the days that generally force health and self-care into the trunk while emotions and whimsy take up the wheel and drive us off a cliff. Let's face it, we all have *those* kinds of days.

There are the sad, mad, bad, too-tired days, that make us want to crawl under the covers with a lasagna and some cocoa. Those are the days when good intentions seem so flimsy and unimportant and we can't be gratified, no matter how far we sink into sloth and gluttony. There are sick days and vacation days and days off, that can easily spin out of control, like a centrifuge flinging all our planning and good habits into deep space. I'll definitely need a few plan revisions and safety devices for the emergency pop-up days; those days when you feel fine and capable but find yourself putting out unforeseen fires and rescuing projects and people, with no time or energy left for yourself. Of course I'll need plans for when I have company and plans for when I'm someone else's company; plans for how to respect my own needs and health while respecting the needs and routines of other people. And I'll need a big, giant safety mega-plan for when I forget to have faith, let fear and sadness take over, and feel like the world has crumbled under my feet. I'll need plans for all kinds of days, plus a whole box of tools for this and that.

Don't get nervous about my usage of the words "schedule" and/or "daily plan". Practicing virtues means building habits and building new habits takes effort and mindfulness and, in my case, a place on the to-do list. But I know myself well, and know that more often than not I push things to do with self-care to the end of the list where they just linger, rarely actualized. I also know that I tend to over schedule my days, not thinking about how long to devote to any one thing. So for starters, I'm drawing up daily plans with scheduled time slots. This is a project, people. Yes, it feels OCD and over-indulgent to me, too. But I want to see it through. Why not? If I walk away from this week with a handful of tools for bad days and a good start to some good habits, I'm gonna be pretty happy.

What I Need for the Health Toolbox


DAILY PLANS FOR:
Good Ordinary Days
Sad/Mad/Bad/Too-Tired Days
Sick/Injury Days
Emergency Pop-Up Days
Company Days
Out-of-Town Days
Holidays
Day-Off Days
Pit of Despair Days

SPECIFIC TOOLS TO COMBAT:
Cravings/Need for Comfort
Fear/Anxiety
Sadness/Depression
Boredom/Angst
Non-Specific Anger/Frustration
Laziness
Colds/Flu and other things that push people under the weather

SPECIFIC TOOLS TO ENCOURAGE:
Healthy Eating
Faith and Joy
Gratitude
Confidence
Socialization
Creativity
Continued Interest in Exercise
Peace

Not yet sure what any of these things will look like, though I have tiny budding ideas. My next several posts - starting tomorrow - I share some of the tools I've found and hope to create for my Health Toolbox.


Start with this article on how to fix 6 imbalances that cause you pain. That painful knee might be caused by trouble with your hip. Find out about neck, shoulder, hip, knee, ankle and back pain and see if any of these fixes help you.

And know that this is the truth:

Brainstorming About Health

I've come up with a new plan. I've scaled the list of 30 virtues that I covered last month down to a list of my 10 essential virtues and so, for the 10 weeks I will choose (at random) one of those virtues to explore. Even though a week goes by fairly quickly, I plan to pick the particular virtue apart as much as I can, to figure out what it means to me and how I can best practice it in my daily life. I plan to come up with a tool chest for each virtue. Something that will help me practice and live with the values that I hold most dear. Being that this is the first week, I'll be flying by the seat of my pants, not sure how to best proceed or what I'll end up with, but...that's part of the fun. This is exciting for me.

The virtue I drew out of my little heart-shaped box for the first week of May is HEALTH. Health. Sounds boring, really. Of course health is important, that's no big news. We talk about it and read about it and fret about it constantly. Theories about achieving optimum health abound. Many are conflicting and some are downright scary. There is always plenty of news on the health front and plenty of general knowledge and common sense practices that nobody needs to have reiterated. But this is about me. I'm building my own personal paradigm about health. This is about how I envision health, and how I plan to use the virtue of health as a constant, important tool in my walk through life. So I started by brainstorming, just to see what associations and feelings and ideas HEALTH brought up for me. With brainstorming, there are no wrong answers and things are never in the order of importance. Try this with me, if you will, just to see how you feel about health.

Here are the questions I posed for myself:
What words do you associate with health?
food, sleep, diet, water, sleep, rest, balance, exercise, muscles, fresh air, sun, socializing, happiness, joy, care, boundaries, love, connection, hygiene, beauty, stretch, peace, yoga, sweat, cleanse, detox, closure, openness, self-respect, self-love, no more shame, no fear, taking care of business, do what needs to be done, friendship, limits, schedule time for the most important things, music, meditation, prayer, spirituality, God, honoring self, saying yes, saying no, going the extra mile for myself, caring for myself, encouragement, encouraging health in others, laughter, fulfillment, purpose, acceptance, children, activity, hiking, honesty with self, discipline, ability, confidence, energy, excitement, thrive, purity, strength

What does health look like?
There is order. Health looks like true beauty; bright eyes, clear skin, toned muscles, rested countenance, peaceful spirit, quiet strength, shiny hair, open mind, self-confidence, honesty, responsibility, faith, awareness, integrity

How do you think health feels?
Health feels strong and awake and capable. Health can choose faith and starve out fear, instead. It is the glorious comfort and joy that I'm surrounded by God's light and suffused with His strength. Health gives me the confidence to seek out and allow new experiences. Health feels exciting and peaceful at the same time. Health feels sexy and beautiful and confident and capable and alive.

How does it sound to choose health?
I am worthy of the care and effort it takes to be my healthiest best.
I choose to surround myself with healthy people, opportunities and situations and turn away from/severely limit those things that do not contribute to my good health.
Living in health is living responsibly, honoring God's gifts to me of life, body, mind and spirit. 
I choose health and the things that lead me there.
The healthier I am, the more blessed, joyful and powerful I am.

What things are barriers to being your healthiest?
not enough exercise, not enough outdoor time, allowing others to influence my choices, lack of planning, lack of time management, fear, laziness, inability to prioritize, poor food choices, too much food, binging, going to sleep too late, isolating, not enough socialization, depression, anxiety, lack of discipline, disorganization, disregard of self, not drinking enough water each day, not enough sleep, too much internet time, not finishing what I start, avoidance of uninteresting or unpleasant things, lack of stamina, not enough faith in myself, 

What are things/activities/practices that could be changed or added to each day for increased health?
Make time for both prayer and meditation during the day.
Outdoor time - sun and fresh air.
One or two affirmations on which to concentrate throughout the day.
Less time spent on FB, Pinterest, etc. 
Prep meals and snacks for next day.
Drink at least 32 oz. water throughout the day. Stay hydrated!
Soothing yoga/stretching before bed (particularly hips and back!)
A better nighttime routine with earlier lights out.
At least 1 hour scheduled into each day for exercise.
Take care of pressing/difficult chores early in the day to avoid anxiety thread.

And that was yesterday's brainstorming session. Not that it's worthy of being published, but I'm collecting data for myself, so I can build my tools and habits. Today I created a Pinterest board for Health where I will pin links, memes and infographics that inspire and inform me regarding better health practices (exercise routines and videos, recipes, and meditations, studies, etc.). I also came up with a prototype of a "healthy day" schedule that I will try to stick to tomorrow. It includes time for exercise, prayer, meditation, stretching and some leisure, as well as giving me enough work time, chore time, and getting me into bed with lights out by 10:30. The lights-out time is the thing I'm worried about. I'm such a night-owl - usually getting to bed by 1:00 or later -  but it hasn't been doing me any good, because I also have trouble sleeping past 7:00. I'm going to try for 8 hours of sleep.... Can you imagine?

Tomorrow's exercise? I'll be doing a 4+ mile power walk, lunges, squats and bench pushups, all outside in the fresh air and sunshine. Then I'll come home and do this  fast core workout from fitsugar.com. It's fast and effective. I also plan on doing this yoga-based hip-stretching routine before bed. My hips are not the happiest of campers. In addition to hurting a lot, they tend to also cause me a lot of knee and back pain. 

And since there are some rather large stressors occurring in my life right now, I will work on these things as well, to keep fear at bay. Fear is a killer. 

That's it. I'll prep for tomorrow tonight and I'll let you know how it goes.

Trusting Your Gut - Intuition

How many times have I kicked myself for not trusting my gut? Too many time, for sure. Too many times I have talked myself out of "knowing what I know" because it looked foolish on paper. Too many times I've slapped my palm to my forehead and moaned, "I knew this would happen!" All I know is that I have within me a "sensing" ability that more aware of my surroundings than my brain. Not only is this "sense" aware of surroundings and all that inhabit them, but it has an innate knowledge of how I fit into, will be affected by, will interact with whatever lies ahead of me. That inner voice can help me navigate if I really listen. Call it a hunch or an instinct. Call it your inner voice or a gut reaction. It's intuition.

Intuition, I believe, is a mix of mindful awareness, hard-earned wisdom, insight, and God's voice within us. I don't know how it works. I'm not a philosopher, nor an existential physicist, nor a theologist or any type of spiritual guru. All I know is that I know.

Caroline Myss says that an intuitive person is one who has healthy self-esteem and can listen to, and trust, their inner voice without needing any outside validation. That sounds right on the mark. The overriding factor that keeps most of us from trusting our intuition is "How will this look to others? What will they think?" Old voices from childhood and our own self-doubt are what keep us from allowing our inner knowledge to be given a real voice. I find that prayer helps me with that. When I ask for God's guidance and the ability to hear what I need to hear, feel what I need to feel, and see what I need to see, I give myself permission to listen and trust. I allow myself to really be aware of what I feel in any given moment.

When intuition goes against everything we know to be true, it's easy to dismiss it altogether. We can temper our decisions with reasoning and cold, hard facts, but ignoring our intuition completely is nearly always a mistake. If we have a strong feeling about something, there is a reason for it. It pays to pay attention.

Just like speaking any other unfamiliar language, there are bound to be mixed messages when we first start tuning into our inner voices. Intuition, like any other gift we have, has to be used to be developed. It takes mindfulness and honest insight and faith. It takes peacefulness, sensitivity, and awareness. But mainly it take us believing in ourselves and trusting God's voice within us. It is His gift to us and it is with us always. Don't hide it away or ignore it any more than you'd ignore that big, awesome brain in your head. We know more than we think we know, if we'll only listen.

We all have spiritual DNA; wisdom and truth are part of our genetic structure even if we don't always access it. ~ Lama Surya Das

Man will have replicated his own intelligence not when he teaches a computer to reason but when he teaches a computer to have a nagging feeling in its circuits. ~ Robert Brault

Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way. ~ Florence Scovel Shinn

Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. ~ Joyce Brothers

The invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you. ~ Wayne Dyer

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. ~ Unknown

Shut your eyes and see. ~ James Joyce

An integral being knows without knowing, sees without looking and accomplishes without doing. ~ Lao Tzu

You are a part of everything, and everything is a part of you. ~ Ryan Smith

There is a growing body of anecdotal evidence, combined with solid research efforts, that suggests intuition is a critical aspect of how we humans interact with our environment and how, ultimately, we make many of our decisions. ~ Ivy Estabrooke (Program Manager at the Office of Naval Research)

Listen to your gut, now

Listen to that hunch

It will tell you where to go

And what to have for lunch

Pay attention to your instincts

And to that voice inside

Think back and you'll remember

That it's never, ever lied

~ Amber Gin

What Would Happen If I Actually Paid Attention? About Mindfulness

There's something to be said for the way time just magically moves forward, no matter how we dig our heels in and try to hold on. And there's something to be said for how often we let ourselves operate on autopilot while we're either living in the past, reviewing and rewriting memories, or in the future, worrying, planning, hoping, dreaming. What happens when we pay attention to the present? How much better will thing turn out if we actually do what we are doing and live where we are living?

It's impossible not to be distracted by memories or hopes. It's important to pay attention to future plans and remember our past experiences. Reliving wonderful memories and daydreaming about times to come are some of the most pleasant ways to pass time.  And we're nearly always present when it's important. So what's the hubbub about mindfulness?

When I was first pregnant with my son, I bought a book called What To Expect When You're Expecting. It was fabulous. It told me what I was going to feel before I even felt it. Two minutes after exclaiming that my nails and hair were growing like crazy, I would open my book and read "You've probably noticed that your hair and nails are growing like crazy about now." I kept that book near me wherever I went. Knowing what would happen as my body changed and grew and changed and grew gave me a feeling of security. But the book also mentioned all the things that could go wrong in each and every stage of my baby's development. And that's where I managed to get off course. As I anticipated each new phase and each possible problem, I began to get stuck in the "what if"s of the future. What if this goes wrong? What if the doctor doesn't notice this? What if I don't notice something in time? I spent so much time worrying about the what ifs, that I missed a huge chunk of the miracle I was living. I was growing a baby inside my own body! Things tasted and smelled different. I felt different. I looked different. My dreams were vivid and different. I could hear my son's heartbeat and feel him kick and hiccup. Sure, it's an experience that's been lived by millions of women over time, but this was my one chance to live it. And I spent far too much of it living in the future instead of in my present miracle.

Mindfulness is a focused awareness of the present moment. It lets us absorb the sensation and fullness of the moment, the small things as well as the big, instead of going through life with half of our attention on the past of future. The self-knowledge that comes from mindfulness lets us be more intentional in choosing priorities and actions that fit our life mission. Mindfulness keeps us centered and grounded in our current life, aware of the real possibilities and experiences of right now. 

When we turn off our autopilot and fully live in the moment, there's no telling what we'll learn or notice or discover. How many opportunities have passed us by while our minds were somewhere else? How many things could we learn by listening to our experiences and feelings in the moment instead of focusing on things we can't change or control? Everything we do consciously is an act of our own power. By being mindful and intentional, by letting go of the crazy mental chatter that accompanies our auto-piloted state, we become more powerful. We can change more, learn more, live more. 

I won't go into the many ways to practice mindfulness (meditation being one) because I am a brand new student of mindfulness. Mindfulness is not my natural state of being. But I'm finding that it is a benefit to me in both anxious and depressive states. I'm finding that both joy and peace increase with mindfulness. When I spend time in the now, I see so much, feel so much, learn so much. Mindfulness is the way to truly live life, instead of just going through the motions. 

May you live every day of your life. ~ Jonathan Swift

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~ Unknown

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive you will see it. ~ Thich Naht Hanh

Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow. ~ Catherynne M. Valente

If your relationship to the present moment is not right, nothing can ever be right in the future - because when the future comes, it's the present moment. ~ Eckhart Tolle

Do It On Purpose - Do It With Purpose

Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's needs. ~ Frederick Buechner

The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away. ~ David Viscott

I've always envied those people who were born with a calling; the ones who, at age three, would tell others they were going to be a doctor and stuck to that plan without ever changing their minds, becoming specialists at an age the rest of us are finally trying to figure out what to do with our lives. When asked what we "want to be", most of us - at age three, four, 8, 15, 35 - would answer with something like, "I want to be a ballerina-gymnast-scientist-inventor-detective-homeowner." 

What in your life is calling you, when all the noise is silenced, the meetings adjourned...the lists laid aside, and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest...What still pulls on your soul? ~ Rumi

Sometimes our callings are colorful and grand, while our talents, abilities and fortitude don't always match up. As a child I was certain I was going to be a singer or a writer. Despite my constant practicing in high school, and achieving high placement in both All-Regional and All-State Choirs every year I tried out, I learned that I just don't have what it takes to be the singer I thought I could be. For one thing, I'm an introvert with stage fright. For another, I'm just not a very good singer. Technically, I was fine, and I don't completely suck at it, but I'm not as gifted as I'd been led to believe (ask my neighbors) and - as it turns out - it's not the driving purpose of my life, only a fun pastime. I'm okay with that. 

Writing ... I'm working on it. It is a driving purpose. Words are my favorite thing. I write and write and write. I tell stories. If I can't play with language, I start to get depressed. Whenever I've been in another country, where my foreign language skills are extremely basic, I've realized that the thing I have to offer others is my use of language; to entertain; to connect; to express emotion, interest, comfort... It's my most prized tool and asset.  

For some lucky people, the adage "Do what you love and the money will follow" has worked out brilliantly. They've discovered their purpose, worked tirelessly to hone their craft, figured out how to market themselves and ...Taa-DAA! That's a sweet life, right there. It's always worth a shot! 

Though it would be the greatest thing ever, our purpose isn't always our professional calling. Even so, never let that fact stop you from doing what you love whenever you can. Find a way. Fill your life with YOUR purpose! Take inventory of your gifts and look for opportunities to share them with the world to cultivate love, beauty and delight. Use your talent and strengths to make a difference and move forward. Live your life with intention.

If you have a purpose in which you can believe, there's no end to the amount of things you can accomplish. ~ Marian Anderson

Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Determine the thing that can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way. ~ Abraham Lincoln

To love what you do and feel that it matters...how could anything be more fun? ~ Katherine Graham

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

JUST A FEW PEOPLE WHO LIVE(D) WITH DEFINITE PURPOSE

Dr. Seuss

Jane Goodall

Mother Teresa

Temple Grandin

Begging Your Pardon...

While this probably bothers no one at all except for myself (since my 1 or 2 readers are wonderfully kind and forgiving), I have to apologize for something. It seems that I bit off more than I could adequately chew with the April Plan of 30 Virtues in 30 Days. I'm afraid that - in the interest of sticking to my "post per day" deadline, some of my "virtues" posts have been partially - or fully - "phoned in", meaning they just didn't have my full attention. Don't get me wrong...none of these posts have had any real simmering time, let alone anything more than a rough edit, before being published for the world to see. But some days (IRL) have been more congested than others and, in the interest of sticking to the plan, I'm afraid my writing time for certain posts was squeezed down to nothing. But I've stuck with it, nonetheless, and I feel great about that. Thanks for reading anything I write. It means a lot and I vow to give you better stuff as time goes on.

The Power of Helping Others

If you ask most people, they love the idea of helping others and making a positive difference in some way. Millions of volunteers help with thousands of causes every day. Sometimes, for public interest, mainstream news shares stories of people who have helped in significant ways, saving and changing lives. I love those kinds of stories. They're heartwarming and they generate loads of interest in whatever particular cause is being showcased. People surge forward in for a brief time, inspired by what they've seen. But then life happens and all is forgotten. Finding the time to serve isn't an easy thing to do. We're all living such busy lives, rushing here and there, trying to take care of those we love and never finding enough time to do it all. When it comes to doing things for others regularly, it can be nearly impossible to find the time or energy. But it's important. It's huge. It makes the world go 'round. And it's worth the effort. Not just for those being helped, but for those who are doing the helping. 

Years ago, after graduating from college, I underwent training to become a children's grief group facilitator. One part of the training involved a full weekend of sharing and hearing about the most profound losses in each of our lives; hopes and dreams, grandparents, friends, parents, pets, children, cousins...we cried as a group about each loss. It was incredibly emotional and we were all weary and drained by the very end of the weekend. Our assignment, as we were dismissed, was to go out and do life-affirming activities. Play with children, walk a neighbor's dog, help in a soup kitchen, bring joy and comfort to others. To bring ourselves back from the low of reliving our losses, the cure was to lose ourselves in the service of others.

Reasons to Serve:

SERVING OTHERS HELPS US HEAL

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.  ~ Jim Barrie

The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served. ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

SERVING OTHERS SPREADS LIGHT AND HOPE

Be a lamp, a lifeboat, a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd. ~ Rumi

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. ~ Albert Schweitzer

SERVING OTHERS HELPS US GROW IN WONDERFUL WAYS

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. ~ Gandhi

The more I thought about myself, the weaker I became. The more I recognized that I was serving a purpose larger than myself, the stronger I became. ~ Eric Greitens

SERVING OTHERS IS OUR MOST NOBLE RESPONSIBILITY AND OUR GREATEST CONTRIBUTION

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. ~ Muhammad Ali

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. ~ Albert Pine

BEING BLESSINGS FOR OTHERS BRINGS BLESSINGS TO US

By becoming the answer to someone's prayer, we often find the answer to our own. ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

One of the great ironies of life is this: he or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served. ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

When you are able to shift your inner awareness to how you can serve others, and when you make this the central focus of your life, you will then be in a position to know true miracles in your progress toward prosperity. ~ Wayne W. Dyer

When you reach out to hurting people, that's when God is going to make sure your needs are supplied. When you focus on being a blessing, Go makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance. ~ Joel Osteen

How to Serve:

SERVE ENTHUSIASTICALLY, EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN. SERVE AS MUCH OR AS LITTLE AS YOU CAN. 

Do your little bit of good where you are. It's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. ~ Desmond Tutu

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. ~ Mother Teresa

You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. ~ John Bunyan

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson

SERVE WITH A LOVING AND HUMBLE HEART

Charity sees the need, not the cause. ~ German Proverb

If you can't do great things, Mother Teresa used to say, do little things with great love. If you can't do them with great love, do them with a little love. If you can't do them with a little love, do them anyway. Love grows when people serve. ~ John Ortberg

Choosing to Turn Pain into Beauty - Quotes on Personal Growth

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful. ~ Sigmund Freud

Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along. ~ Rae Smith

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life's story will develop. ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits to the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder. ~ Ronald Reagan

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong. ~ Mandy Hale

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destiny. ~ C.S. Lewis

Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out. ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

Change is inevitable. Growth is Optional. ~ John Maxwell

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou

God will not pour fresh, creative ideas and blessings into old attitudes. ~ Joel Osteen

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ~ Albert Einstein

Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. ~ Socrates

Become who you are. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The things which hurt, instruct. ~ Benjamin Franklin

When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.  When life is bitter, say thank you and grow. ~ Unknown

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom. ~ Anais Nin

Creativity - the Real Mother of Invention (and Fun)

Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous. ~ Bill Moyers

Creativity is the real mother of invention. Not necessity. Necessity may be the alarm clock for creativity, but invention is creativity's baby. Creativity has a lot of babies. Thank goodness. Some thrive, some lay dormant for years, some die <sob>.  Thoughts, ideas, solutions, songs, stories, art, music, innovations, DELICIOUS COOKIES...all are products of creativity. Our creativity is as prolific and industrious and abundant as we allow. If we were to let creativity out to do her thing more often, we'd be living such colorful, brilliant, FUN lives! We're all born with creative souls, so why do we sometimes shy away from creative thought? 

ADULTHOOD: WHERE CREATIVITY GOES TO DIE?

Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up. ~ Pablo Picasso

Sometimes non-creative adults attempt to murder creativity in children. I don't like those adults much. I feel sorry for them, of course, because someone must have insisted that they relinquish their own creative energy and their lives have surely been duller and dimmer and less colorful since then. But I don't respect people who steal joy from children because their own joy was stifled as a child. Grow, people, grow. Break the negativity cycle! 

I saw as a teacher how, if you take that spark of learning that those children have, and you ignite it, you can take a child from any background to a lifetime of creativity and accomplishment. ~ Paul Wellstone

Some people, when becoming grown-ups, feel that creativity will lessen their ability to thrive in the world of meetings and bills and responsibility. We all know these people. Let's have a moment of silence for them now. 

[2 or 3 seconds of quietude]

The creative adult is the child who survived. ~ U. LeGuin

Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up. ~ Pablo Picasso

Yet, look around and you'll see that the most successful and happy adults are those who have managed to engage their creative genius. They take chances and try new things and enjoy the creativity of others. They're resourceful and innovative and interested in life. The very best parents are delight in and encourage their child's natural creativity as well as share their own. Creative people are more interesting, more fun, and generally more resilient.  

Creativity is the power to connect the seemingly unconnected. ~ William Plomer

Even when we know and appreciate our own creativity, it can sometimes hide from us when we need it most. How do we beckon our particular Muse when we most need her? Here are 3 quick jumpstarts to try.

1.) BRAINSTORM

There is a road from the eye to the heart that does not go through the intellect. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. ~ Scott Adams

Don't look for the ONE RIGHT ANSWER to anything. There may be many right answers! Look for 10 or more good answers and give yourself 30 minutes to come up with them. The first  idea might come a little slowly, but then you'll find that they come faster and faster once you editing each thought. Giving ourselves a time limit and a goal to produce as much as possible allow us to let go of "rules". We can produce so much when we're not worried about making mistakes. 

2.) PLAY LIKE A CHILD

You see a child play, and it is so close to seeing an artist paint, for in play a child says things without uttering a word. You can see how he solves hi problems. You can also see what's wrong. Young children, especially, have enormous creativity, and whatever's in them rises to the surface in free play. ~ Erik Erikson. 

Do something that engages your whole being. Jump on a trampoline, kick a ball around a field, run barefoot in the grass, swing, hide something and then draw a treasure map, splash in puddles and dance in the rain, build a fairy garden under a tree with twigs and leaves and pebbles. These kinds of activities keep us in the moment, letting us delight in just "being". Creativity awakens in such moments.

3.) DO SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY

All profound distraction opens certain doors. You have to allow yourself to be distracted when you are unable to concentrate. ~ Julio Cortazar

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. ~ Grant Wood

It could be a timing thing. Maybe we're too tired to figure anything out. Sometimes we're trying too hard. We may be hungry or achy or distracted by one pesky task that needs to be done. Take a break and give your mind a chance to focus on other things. It'll be like rebooting your computer. 

I could go on and on about creativity; about how it's necessary for life and love and peace, about how it takes fortitude and hard work to carry out, about how tricky it can be to maintain around negative people. There's so much I want to learn about my own creativity and how to inspire creativity in others - particularly children. Onward, onward, down my colorful, zig-zaggy path I go, learning and creating and giving. 

Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things. ~ Ray Bradbury

Creativity comes from trust. Trust you instincts, and never hope more than you work. ~ Rita Mae Brown

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~ Sylvia Plath

Creativity is more than just being different. Anybody can plan weird; that's easy. What's hard is to be as simple as Bach. Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity. ~ Charles Mingus

For more ways to grow your creativity, check out these links and books:

Anything written or created by Keri Smith
TED Talks on creativity
How to Get Ideas written by Jack Foster and Illustrated by Larry Corby
And check out 5 classic challenges to Test Your Creativity at 99u.com 

WARNING: Creativity should only be used for good. Evil creative usage will result in bad energy and will come back to haunt you in some way. Honest.

Simplicity...It's Complicated!

I really want to simplify my life. I want to wake up in the morning and be grateful. I want to brush my teeth and stretch and pray and grab a cup of coffee and quickly check my Facebook. And check my Facebook. And check my email. And look at my shop activity on Etsy. And see what the deal of the day is on Audible. And check my Facebook. And follow the links I find on Facebook. And quickly pop in at Pinterest, just to find a perfect photo for my next post, and look    at    the   fooood... And dammit! How'd it get to be 8:30 already??? I haven't worked out or eaten my simple, healthy breakfast or finished today's post, let alone tomorrow's, and didn't I promise myself I'd catch back up and get ahead of the game with my writing deadlines? I have orders to package and ship and laundry to do. I have to weed and water my side yard and file a bunch of stuff and clean the cat boxes. I should be in Arizona with my mom, or working at a real job. I have people to call and places to go and things to think about. My front door isn't going to find the perfect color and paint itself, you know. And what about things like oil changes and networking and vision boards and colonoscopies? Isn't today the day I have slated for washing all my exterior windows? I need new shoes.

Simplicity simple? NO. WAY.  Simplicity is so not simple. Simplicity takes work and thought and insight and commitment. Simplicity sheds the unessential and calls for an intensely honest assessment of what is truly important. It's your life, in 20 words or less. It's taking the "what matters most" approach. Simplicity is complicated.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. ~ Mark Twain

The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity. ~ Douglas Horton

About 5 years back, I downsized to a smaller home and let go of loads and loads of stuff. Boxes and crates and truckloads of stuff was loaded up and given to others or thrown away. I've had at least 3 garage sales and keep thinning out my possessions, but I've still run short on horizontal space. Time to clear out even more. I crave emptier shelves. I want less to dust. My house would feel better with more open space. 

Even without all the "stuff" my son and I have managed to collect, it's still so tempting to fill my life with things that I should be doing, things that I have to do, and things I want to do. There aren't enough hours or storage space for what I think my life should be. I need to work harder, be smarter, socialize more, go on adventures, do more for others, be a better me. There's so much to do!!!

But what do I really need? How much do I need to have or do to live a healthy, happy, fulfilling life? Good question. Scary question. I need a home, of course, for myself and my pets and my son (whenever he chooses to come back). I need fresh water and the ability to procure and prepare food. I need weather appropriate clothing, and - possibly - at least one little black dress. Living where I live, keeping my well-maintained and filled with fuel is hugely helpful to a productive life. Electricity and indoor plumbing, while luxuries in other places, are necessities here. I need running water, at the very least, to maintain good standards of hygiene and to water my plants. My cellphone - a smartphone - brings huge convenience in a tiny package. My computer, my iPad, my WiFi, my vacuum, my washer and dryer, my refrigerator, my stove and microwave, my bathrooms - or at least one of them - outfitted with all the normal fixtures...heat, air, windows that open, a comfortable bed, tables, art, music, office doo-dads, good scissors, Advil, good tortilla chips... I am as needy as they come. And don't get me started on my to-do list or the fact that I feel perpetually guilty for not keeping up with Martha Stewart.

Voluntary simplicity means going fewer places in one day rather than more, seeing less so I can see more, doing less so I can do more, acquiring less so I can have more." — John Kabat-Zinn

So how can I simplify my life? I can start by figuring out what I want my simple life to look like and work from there. On Zen Habits, I found a list of 72 ideas to simplify my life.  Haha! 72 simple ideas! But I think it looks like a good start. Joshua Becker (someone who has walked the simplified walk and lived to write about it) has written many books on the "hows" of simplifying your life and all the benefits that he and his family have reaped. The one I'm looking at is a Kindle book called Simplify. I can't endorse it since I haven't yet read it, but I'll let you know down the road. I'm excited about simplifying, no matter how complicated. 

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. ~ Henry David Thoreau

It's not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials. ~ Bruce Lee

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. ~ Lin Yutang

Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious and adding the meaningful. ~ John Maeda

The more simple we are, the more complete we become. ~ August Rodin