Hey Fear, I'm Breaking Up With You!

Where fear is, happiness is not. ~ Seneca

Sometimes fear just gets the better of me. And when I say "gets the better of me", I mean "moves into my brain, colors my world a bleak grey, robs me of joy, and causes me to second guess every tiny thought I have or move I make". Freaking fear. I hate it. It is the enemy. It's tricky and malignant and insidious and really, really destructive. It may wander into our lives looking helpful but, like a conman left unchecked, it will take claim of those traits we hold most dear.

Best thing to do is not let fear get the upper hand. Sure healthy fear can keep us on our toes and steer us away from all kinds of trouble, but let the wrong kind of fear in and say goodbye to independence, happiness, creativity, strength, humor...love. Fear gobbles up good stuff and leaves ugly hopelessness in its place. 

So pay attention. Fear is a shape-shifting master of disguise. Sometimes fear shows up as:

The Voice of Reason  

Goal: Force us to abort our plans for change or betterment. It loves the status quo – no matter how miserable.

Tactics: Highlights worst-case-scenarios and reminds us to seriously consider our many shortcomings before taking our next step.

Archival Librarian

Goal: Reminds us that life is filled with disappointments and traumas and suggests that the next horrible fall could be right around the corner.

Tactics: Pulls sad and tragic events from our memory files for us to peruse and places them on our pillows for dream fodder.  

Old-School Principal

Goal: Make us examine the error of our ways in enough detail so as to be able to write an essay entitled: “Mistakes I’ve Made and Why I am a Failure”.

Tactics: Shares the running tally of all our mistakes – both real and imagined – and has us write “I am a failure” on our own mental chalkboards 500 times a day.

White-Glove Inspector

Goal: Keep us tied down with all the details that matter least; make us sweat the small stuff.

Tactics: Point out everything that’s out of order, every crooked line, every un-dotted “I”, every uncrossed “t”, every speck of dust, every expectation that anyone on earth has ever had of/for us, every miniscule detail that doesn’t freaking matter in the great scheme of things so that we will end up too worried, busy, frantic and sick to live a fulfilling life.

When we let fear move in and take over it’s the biggest narcissist that ever lived. Everything is coated in fear; everything is seen from fear’s perspective. Life becomes about fear, in all its guises. Even when we think we know better than to let fear take over, fear is insidious. One morning we wake up and …there’s fear, in bed with us.

So, what now? Here’s what. Break up with fear. Write it a note saying “Sayonara, Fear! Get lost! Only come back when you’re healthy and only to warn me about REAL dangers!” (Did I mention that fear is a manipulative liar?) Tell fear to get lost. Remind fear that your Father is God and He’s gonna kick fear’s butt. Then…stop talking to fear. Turn your back on the bully that is fear. Don’t worry, if there’s a real danger, fear will get your attention, just don’t hand over the keys to your house. No, sirree. There are way better friends to spend time with. Their names are Trust, Faith, Love, Joy, Purpose, Capability, Hope and Courage! Wisdom and Mindfulness are buddies great buds, too. Beauty and Gratefulness rock!

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. ~ Renceray Brown

 It’s time to start concentrating on things other than fear. Today I will focus on how safe I am, how well-loved I am, how capable I am. I will seek joy and express myself creatively. I will feed my faith. I will do my best to stay in the moment. I will look for beauty wherever I go and be grateful for all I have, all that I am, all that I experience.

 Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself. ~ Samuel Butler 

And when fear starts tapping at the windows, I will shoot it with bullets of faith and trust and wisdom and love. All of those things stop fear in its tracks. And all of those things are right there, within us, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be welcomed and developed. So...You're outa here, fear! I've got better things to do with my life than let you take over.

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. ~ Nelson Mandela

  

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear. ~ Gandhi

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~ Dale Carnegie

Listen to what you know, instead of what you fear. ~ Richard Bach

This is YOUR Fairytale!

Fairy tales are more than true;

not because they tell us that dragons exist,

but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

~ G. K. Chesterson

When you’re dealing with undesirable circumstances beyond your immediate control, the best thing to do (besides pray) is to pretend that you are in a fairytale. Think about it…there’s going to be either an evil witch, a cruel king, or a fire-breathing dragon. There will certainly be some kind of impossible task or insurmountable feat for you to perform. You may have to endure a long trek through the haunted woods or a fortnight in the dungeon. Perhaps you’ll be pricked with a needle and have to sleep for 100 years. At the very least, you could be stuck cleaning up after 7 little men.

But in the midst of it all, there will be fantastical things. Keep your eyes and ears and heart and mind open! Secret messages abound. The humble beggar, crazily muttering, will share a profound thought with you as you pass. Fairies and angels, in the forms of cashiers and neighbors, preschool children and black labs, will bring you cheer and support exactly when you need it most. Magic will zing its way through your life in ways you can’t predict, bringing with it synchronicity and unforetold opportunity. Above all things, pay attention!

In the process of this fairytale, expect to garner secret powers.  Whenever you stumble, you’ll get up and forge on with even more gusto. You’ll start to see the pitfalls before you and the tricks laid out by the wicked antagonists and you will nimbly walk around them. Maybe you'll leap over them while you use your powers to laugh them into dust. Just know, just believe, you will come through this better than you stumbled into it. You'll get to the other side of the forest. You may have rips in your clothing and your skin may be covered in briar scratches, but you will heal and find a better-fitting outfit. Plus, you get to keep your new secret powers! You'll be better than new.

In the end, you might not slay the dragon. You might decide to tame him or just send him away for good. In the end, I can’t promise you that the evil witch in your story will be thrown into the oven or the cruel king will be rolled down a hill in a nail-studded barrel. Maybe they'll just lose their scariness and control over you. But I will promise you that bad times don’t last. You have more magic and power and love and strength at your disposal than you know. You will prevail and the nightmare will end. Remember the only way out is through. Remember that even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise again. Remember that your Father is a King.

Go ahead and make yourself a nice cape. Buy some glittery tights. Polish up your crown or tiara, brush off your top hat. Get ready for your happily ever after. After all, you are the royal hero(ine) of your life. This is your story. You get to decide the ending.

Every person's life is a FAIRYTALE written by God's fingers

~ Hans Christian Andersen

Life Happens Here

There's been an awful lot of life happening for the past few years. It's been happening the way a flash flood happens, whipping your feet out from under you and sending you cascading down a rushing river where flowers and pavement and dry land had been only moments before. It's been happening the way an earthquake happens, with shaking ground and yawning holes making your home and your world feel unsafe and bruised and threatened.

Someone once said (I believe it was John Lennon?) that "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." Of course, I took that to mean "sensible reality happens to dreamers whose plans are lofty and grandiose and fantastical". I've always been a dreamer, but not grandiosely so. I have dreams and aspirations and wishes and ideals, but I also I also have more "realistic" plans. "Ordinary", achievable plans for the future that were mundane enough to border on dull. I had plans, as a mother, to share my favorite books with my son. I had plans to teach him how to cook all sorts of things. We, together, had plans for camping vacations and taking wilderness classes and building up enough stamina to take the bike trail all the way down to the beach for a picnic and back. I had plans, as a daughter, to help my mom fix up her house - not in any drastic way, but to just declutter and decorate and help her start her garden again. Simple plans that still left time and energy to pay attention to real life. Nothing that would tempt fate; nothing fraught with danger; nothing demanding a miracle. Safe plans. Safe plans that could be achieved no matter what life had in store. And yet...Life still "happened" and made those plans obsolete. Life happened in a way to make my roles as both mother and daughter unlike anything I could have imagined. The free will of others and the nature of illness are the "Life" that happened while I made my mundane plans.

As it turns out, there are no mundane plans. I had no idea that all plans are lofty. I had no idea that all plans are just dreams where life is concerned. I had no idea that real life is composed of tiny blessings strung together and that all of my plans were counting on big blessings staying in place. When Life happens, it happens both like we expect it to and like we could never have imagined. It happens microscopically and astronomically. It happens in a trickle and a raging wave. Life just happens, plans or not. Life either makes sense or it doesn't.

But here's the thing...In the rush and flow of life there are constants. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west regardless of whether you can see it or not. There is order in the makeup of things. Specific atoms and molecules in specific number and configurations continue to form the same things. Lasting love will always take work. Hate will always destroy - even if it is only the hater who suffers. Those constants are miracles of order. The other constant is that miracles are always happening and blessings are always present. This is a very important constant. Life is composed of miracles. Look for them wherever you can. Hold on to them and share them with others. I believe in God as the source of life and source of order and, of course, the source of miracles and blessings; that life, with both its order and miracles, is our providence. In other words, these 'constants' are provided for us as huge, but seemingly mundane, gifts. They are always there, to be acknowledged or ignored as we choose.

Even with the malicious free-will of another person working to destroy a huge chunk of my world and a fatal and undignified disease infecting another part, there are blessings and miracles floating around like snowflakes. They seem small and insignificant - and sometimes even pesky - but they're there; free for the acknowledgment. And as I gather them up I find that they are part of the Life that Happens Here. They won't fill the holes or right the wrongs, but they will buoy me and strengthen me and help me move forward on ragged turf. Sometimes they are just big enough to help me take another step, but sometimes they are big enough to build a completely new path. They remind me that I am loved and not alone, that I am a child of God.

Life happens whether you make plans or not. Life happens even if your plans are ordinary. But life, no matter how crazy or ruthless, also includes order, miracles and blessings. So make big plans, dream big dreams. Life, with its miracles, is happening here and now.