But Isn't Love About Chocolate and Flowers?

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby
– awkwardly, and often with a  great deal of mess.

~ Lemony Snicket in Horseradish

Today is LOVE DAY according to my April Calendar of Good Things, and that makes today a good day. Love is one of the greatest virtues of all time. Loving and being loved is essential to a healthy spirit. When we love someone or something, our life has more meaning. There are probably more songs and poetry written about love than what is written about all the other virtues combined. Every philosopher has had something to say about love. All kinds of love - romantic love, parental love, familial love, love for friends and pets and country, are part of the human condition. Love has inspired great things...and tragedies. Cynics love to hate love, but most of us love it. 

Still, I don’t want to write about love. I don’t want to philosophize and pick it apart and tell anyone that love is this and not that. But because today is marked for thinking about and practicing the virtue of love, and seeing life through the lens of love, I’ll go ahead and get on with it. 

[TIME OUT! Before I go any further, please note that in this post I am talking only about healthy love. Love as a virtue. Not obsession. Not neediness. Not infatuation. I'm only talking about love that nurtures and supports and protects and endures. Okay, proceed.]

LOVE, DONE RIGHT, WILL CHANGE US
A while back, last year perhaps, the little section of church notes that I keep from each sermon suggested that we read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, but that wherever the word “love” was written or inferred, we should substitute “I” and re-conjugate the verb as needed. Here’s how that would sound (read this out loud to yourself):

“I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast. I am not proud. I am not rude. I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered. I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. [With love] I never fail.”

Wow. A simple but powerful personal LOVE inventory. Embodying love isn’t the glamorous or romantic role some of us wish it could be. Love is hard work. It’s not all chocolate and hugs and happy days. 

Love is a verb. It requires action on our part. It’s a choice and it involves choices. Every day we have to choose to love someone. You don’t have to love anybody. It doesn't matter who they are and how they’re related to you and how long you've known them, loving them is always your choice. And you may not love them much sometimes. You may wake up one morning and decide that you've had it and they are no longer worthy of your love. That’s choice right there; that’s free will. You may wake up one morning and find that, without knowing it, without making any kind of conscious choice, you just don’t love that person anymore. And then you’d have a choice to make. Choose to love them and be ready to work at it. Working at it might mean overlooking some traits and addressing only the big things. It might mean letting go of unrealistic expectations or choosing to let go of disappointments. Sometimes it means setting different boundaries and sticking to them. Most likely, you’ll have to choose love again tomorrow, too. And you’ll have to choose love again the next day. And the next.

Each time you choose to work at loving, you’re choosing love over entropy. Each time you brave something on their behalf, you’re choosing love over apathy. Each time you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back on the trail with them, you’re choosing love over resignation.

From where we are there is always a path toward love. What takes discipline is continually choosing that path. ~ Jesse Pender

Love makes life rich by making us part of something bigger than ourselves. Love is present when we feel another person’s dreams and pain and happiness and struggles are as important as our own. In loving another with the best kind of love, there must be respect, empathy, compassion and appreciation. Work at these things! Use words! Smile! Reciprocate. Don't say mean things. Let people love you back.

        We accept the love we think we deserve. ~ Stephen Chbosky

Yes, that's another thing altogether. Sometimes we feel unworthy of love. We can start to act out, to send love away or to put someone's love to the test. Sometimes we just, plain don't want or trust love from certain people. We can feel obligated to go through the motions when we don't feel the feelings. Love, both giving and receiving, can be complicated.  Whether or not your want the love or choose to love back, always honor and be grateful for true expressions of love. Sincere love should never be mocked or thrown away. Love is not effortless. Real love is not given lightly. 

And then it gets even harder. We need to love ourselves, too. We have to choose, over and over again, to love ourselves with patience and kindness and dedication. What?!? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Except, it is the best thing we can do to help us love others. 

I do not trust people who do not love themselves and then tell me, "I love you." There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt. ~ Maya Angelou

We all need love. We need to feel loved. We need to feel love for others and be able to express it openly. We need to love ourselves. Find and read the book “The Five Love Languages”. Become proficient in love and loving. Open yourself up to receive love. And buy yourself some chocolate while you're at it.

PRAYER FOR LOVE

Dear God, Thank You for your boundless, ceaseless love. I ask that You help me to love myself the way that You love me and help me to love others the way that You love them. Let me shine Your light and spread Your love.Amen

LOVE AFFIRMATION

• Today I celebrate love. I will open myself up to give and receive love without expectation.

LOVE QUOTES

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protect, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Love isn't finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly. ~ Same Keen

Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.’ ~ Erich Fromm

Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love. ~ Leo Buscaglia

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. ~ C.S. Lewis

Do ordinary things with extraordinary love. ~ Mother Teresa

Love is a verb. It’s an action requiring your involvement and your active participation. You cannot sit back and expect the world will serve it to you. You cannot expect that your relationship will continue to provide love while you’re not putting in any effort. Love has to be earned and must be continually fought for. ~ Stephen R. Covey

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tsu

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone. ~ Mitch Albom

Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth,“You owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky. ~ Hafiz

Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision. ~ Erich Fromm