Respect All Around! *clink! clink!*

Respect is an attitude of honoring ourselves
and others through our words and actions;
treating every person with dignity and courtesy.

RESPECT FOR OTHERS

In public I am very respectful. I treat people with kindness and courtesy and love spreading joy. I pay attention to how I address others, never wanting to be condescending, rude or insulting. I love to laugh, but try not to have fun at someone else’s expense. Sure, I’m sarcastic, which is a brand of funny that has sinister undertones, but I like to think that I’m funny in non-threatening ways so I don’t think I’ll eliminate harmless sarcasm from my basket of good things.

But sometime I shock myself. I’ll be wandering around, getting stuff done and absently running things through my mind and am suddenly aware that I've been coloring my thoughts with a bit of nasty cynicism. Here I am mentally scoffing and/or rolling my eyes over a remembered discussion, or dismissing the concerns/feelings/ideas of people with whom I’d interacted earlier. And I find myself falling into group bashing from time to time, making broad dismissive or derogatory generalizations to make myself feel superior. Sometimes I am sexist. Sometimes I am ethnocentric. Sometimes I’m an ageist. Sometimes I’m a regional-ist. I’m a “grammar-ist” and “spell-ist”. And don’t get me started on people who feed their children Taco Bell or Monster drinks – although, I’m pretty up front about my disdain for their choice of “nourishment”.

This petty (and secret) disrespect doesn't happen often, but there’s enough of a pattern to realize that I’m casually practicing the bad habit of being disrespectful when no one can call me on it. Ewwww…creepy. That’s not a trait I want to perpetuate. Sure, it’s common and happens under the radar, generally, but if it’s an unconscious occurrence, doesn't that mean it’s ingrained? What’s to keep such a toxic, lazy way of thinking from growing or leaking out? Time to take some action so I don’t turn into someone I don’t like.

While I may not be able to respect everyone or certain things about others – I don’t respect purposely cruel people, or people who bully, swindle, manipulate or use others, and I abhor selfishness and the abuse or negligence of dependent beings – but if I can find a way to hold in esteem those things that unify us I can still choose to treat others with as much decency and courtesy as possible, whether or not I agree with what they stand for.

One of the most sincere forms of respect is

actually listening to what another has to say.
~ Bryant H. McGill

How to practice the virtue of respect for others:

• Respect the person, if not their practice. Show courtesy and kindness, whenever possible, and avoid condescension and/or insult.
• Stop with the mental eye-rolling when someone is talking. Find a way to truly listen or find a way to exit the conversation.
• There will be some people that I just cannot abide. I will respect us both by keeping our interactions to a minimum.

RESPECT FOR SELF

You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

Self-respect keeps me strong and true to my best self. I know I deserve respect, dignity, happiness and love as much as anyone else. I recognize that I do not need permission from anyone to feel what I feel, think what I think, or believe what I believe. Yet, through cultural encouragement and shaping, I managed to confuse respect for self as a covert form of conceit and selfishness. I ended up believing that putting others first meant that, whatever their needs, I would subjugate my own so that they could have their way; my own needs were not at all important. This is something I now call the Doormat Syndrome. It’s common in women and it has nothing to do with being selfless. Being selfless is a choice and the ability to choose indicates power. Being a doormat comes from a place of powerlessness; not putting your own needs last because you’re choosing to, but doing so because you really don’t believe you count in any significant way. I’ve long given up my role as a doormat. I set boundaries. I take care of myself. I have my own back. But sometimes, when life is too crazy, it’s easy to fall back into old habits. It’s time to mindfully practice respecting myself.

The way you treat yourself 

sets the standards for others. ~ Sonya Friedman

How to practice the virtue of self-respect:

• Keep myself safe and healthy by honoring the boundaries I've put in place. I can set limits by saying no – both to others and to myself – when whatever it is will detract from my well-being, goals or priorities.
• Cultivate personal integrity by keeping my side of the street clean and using my own values and principles to guide my decisions and actions.
• Know and honor my priorities, dreams and goals. Instead of doing “as I like”, I put my energy into doing/achieving what I want.
• Accept my limitations, but do whatever I can do to be my best in all things that matter to me.
• Allow myself time for rest, recovery, relaxation, and bad days without beating myself up about “down time”.
• Maintaining my integrity with regard to my values and principles and trusting my internal voice regardless of what other people are urging me to do.
• Take care of myself in all aspects of my life, including my spiritual, physical and mental health, as well as looking after my own safety.

 RESPECT QUOTES

There is a basket of fresh bread on your head, 

yet you go door to door asking for crusts. ~ Rumi

Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, 

and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize ourworth and value, but because we finally realize our own.~ Unknown

Respect for ourselves guides our morals, 

respect for others guides or manners. 

~ Laurence Sterne

I never make the mistake of arguing with people 

for whose opinions I have no respect. 

~ Edward Gibbon

Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. 

~ Tecumseh

The final test of a gentleman is his respect 

for those who can be of no possible service to him. 

~ William Lyon Phelps

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline: 

the sense of dignity grows with 

the ability to say no to oneself. 

~ Abraham Joshua Heschel