It's my Prerogative to Change my ...Perspective

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Wayne Dyer

Remember when going outside and running as fast as you could was the best feeling ever, no matter that you had to come back into the classroom red-faced and sweaty and with a grass stain on your knee? And remember how awful it was being asked to take a nap or having some "quiet time" in the middle of a perfectly normal day? Darn it.

Before I experienced pregnancy, I was certain that food aversions were just the lazy man’s way to keeping eating unhealthily. Before I became a mother, I pretty much knew all there was to know about dealing with children, no matter what the issue. When I’m depressed, the thought of the simplest chore seems daunting and arduous. When I’m feeling fine, I can’t imagine how some people get so far behind in simple tasks. If my bank account is healthy, I have no problem letting my cupboard run bare. When I’m low on funds, there’s nothing I want more than to rush out and stock up on toilet paper and fixings for 20 different soups.

You get what I’m saying, I’m sure. The way we experience life, including our levels of confidence, tolerance, will-power and safety, has a lot to do with our current perspectives. Artists use perspective to make you see what they want you to see. Marketers use perspective to induce you to desire whatever they're marketing. Politicians use perspective to sway us emotionally on formerly unknown issues. Life-coaches use perspective to motivate and encourage their clients. Why not consider using perspective to change our own beliefs, feelings, and visions? 

PERSPECTIVE AND THE LOCUST OF CONTROL

One of the reasons we loved running and didn't love naps as children was because the locust of control was so different. Sure there are many people out there who run for fitness and thoroughly enjoy it. But way back then, we ran for no reason whatsoever. We ran to run. It felt like freedom and flying and power. We could make our legs work and zig-zag all over the place without any rules. When we entered junior high (I know I'm dating myself here) and ended up in a structured PE class where we were required to run laps, running lost some of it's magic. Not just because we weren't zig-zagging, but because someone was telling us what to do and how to do it. Same with naps. If someone stopped us from doing whatever we were doing and insisted we go take a nap, chances are we'd not enjoy it as much as a nap we chose to take on our own. When we have control over something, or a say in something, we tend to enjoy it more - or, at least, hate it less.

PERSPECTIVE AND EMPATHY

Walking a mile in someone else's shoes is just not cool. But looking at things from their vantage point, including consideration of any hardships or difficulties they may be experiencing, could help you take a much kinder perspective. Things are not always black and white. Ask anyone who had to debate in an ethics class over crimes of necessity vs. crimes of opportunity, e.g. a starving child stealing a peach from the fruit cart vs. a privileged teen stealing a peach just to see if they could get away with it. 

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Stop comparing yourself, your experience, your circumstances:

Your house isn't as big as some, but it's much grander than others. Comparison is the thief of joy. And it doesn't do any good. You'll always be able to find better, worse, happier, sadder, bigger, smaller, richer, poorer examples of whatever you're looking at. If you insist on comparing, find the example that makes you feel best and strongest and use that one.

Concentrate first on emotional changes:

Look first to see if you can change how you feel about something before revamping it completely. I used to commute 1 1/2 hours each way for a total of 3 hours in my car each day. It stressed me out to the point of considering leaving my (perfectly good) job. Then I discovered that the library had loads and loads of great books on CD that I could check out. I also got myself a good headset for my phone. Between listening to an entertaining book and being able to catch up with friends via phone, my commute turned into my downtime and I found I was relaxed, instead of agitated, by the time I got back home to mother my son. Find a way to make something work for you.

Choose to give up anything about your situation that you don't like:

This is easier said than done. You'll need to dig deep for this. I've heard it said that suffering is optional, but to choose to overlook hurt and betrayal and victimization takes huge amounts of spiritual and mental strength. I don't have much experience with physical pain, so I won't address that, lest I end up sounding insulting or dismissive. I do know that when you choose to accept your circumstances, for better or worse, it is freeing and empowering. I also know that we are responsible for the way we feel. We can change our minds about how we'll feel about any given thing, and in doing so, let go of pain, anger, disappointment or anything else that's holding us down. Your shift in perspective can be as small as "I will no longer allow all those game requests on Facebook to bother me." or as big as saying "Now that I have this hole in my life, I'm going to fill it by training for a marathon/writing a book/ raising awareness, etc.and turning my life around in a big way. I refuse to feel empty."

Count your blessings:
I know, I know...I'm constantly harping on this. The truth is, it's hard to feel defeated or powerless when you realize how rich your life really is.

Learn More

The more you learn about whatever you're dealing with, the more you're be able to improve your frame of reference. Knowledge will help combat fear of the unknown and present you with more salient viewpoints.

Identify milestones to lessen the perceived length of duration:

Knowing that you'll have to endure a boring 3-day conference, take each day at a time and break each day into "doable" chunks. It may seem like you're taking three portions and turning them into 12, but making the portions bite-sized makes them more palatable and much less stress-inducing. Achieving completion of something brings relief and a feeling of accomplishment, however small it might be.

Find a way to charge it with choice/beauty/kindness/charity/love/opportunity:

Any time I read about someone who has turned a negative in their life into a positive for others, I am so touched and inspired to do the same, but - again - it takes a concerted effort and a lot of purposeful growth and fortitude. I've found that I can do small things to make a difference about how I feel about something. My loss and hardship surrounding my son has caused me to become even more inclined to help others. I'm using my loss as a blessing for others and that makes me feel better.

Weeds or Wishes?

PERSPECTIVE QUOTES:

Songs are as sad as the listener ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

And those who were seen dancing, were thought to be crazy, by those who could not hear the music. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Chaos is merely order waiting to be deciphered. ~ Jose Saramago

What happens is of little significance compared with the stories we tell ourselves about what happens. Events matter little, only stories of events affect us. ~ Rabih Alameddine

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. ~ J.M. Barrie

What we see depends mainly on what we look for. ~ John Lubbock

Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world.  Same world. ~ Wayne W. Dyer

We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. ~ Anais Nin

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it. ~ Albert Einstein